WOMEN who have consciously decided not to have children still have to justify that decision in the face of their hostile friends, disappointed relatives and expectant grandmums. They have to alleviate even the ever-present feeling of guilt that this is something they should be doing. Out there, there are outraged group of people determined to take the pressure off contented couples who feel quite complete, thank you very much, without the requisite replacement children.

“Would somebody please tell me about this maternal instinct I’m supposed to have”, asked Anita jokingly, but with a hint of seriousness when the topic of procreation recently reared its interesting head. In her early 30s, a thorough professional with a bachelorette pad to die for, she continued:

“Is it a throbbing primal urge that makes you want to yank babies: from prams and cover them with kisses? Just what is this deep-rooted biological inclination that’s meant to be ingrained like a giant

rock though my very being? To me, the maternal instinct is something dark and brooding that most other women have and I don’t – like at boarding school when everyone except me had

periods.

“All I know is that the maternal instinct makes you long for children from the very depths of your soul regardless of whether or not you have a partner who’s committed. For example, I have friends who are on their own and are trying their darndest to get pregnant by whatever means they can, no matter what the cost. I find that a lot bewildering. Why bring up a child on your own? Why put a child through life not having or knowing a father? Is it worth the self-sacrifice? Or are these women just being selfish?

“Being single, as well as fulfilled and contented, might have something to do with my own complete and utter lack of maternal instinct. I am so busy that I couldn’t commit to a once-weekly gym treat, let alone a full-time infant. But perhaps when/if I meet a man and fall madly in love, my absent maternal instinct will appear from nowhere to catch me totally unaware and hit me in the face! I’ll want him to be the father of my child and then go into full motherhood mode…

“Somehow, I doubt if this will happen. A friend of mine recently said wistfully that her maternal instinct was forever ebbing and flowing. “When I’m with a partner. It’s definitely flowing,” she admitted. Frankly, mine isn’t there to ebb, flow or trickle in the first place. I do know, however, that the maternal instinct is a strong and mysterious force which should not be dismissed lightly.”

“You cannot understand the dictates of the womb,” said Priscilla, who at age 34, didn’t consciously want a child, yet underwent many of the symptoms of early pregnancy – swollen breasts, morning sickness and so on – only to be told by her doctor that she was suffering a phantom pregnancy. “I loved my partner, but all I could feel was absolute relief that I wasn’t pregnant,” she admitted. She confessed she’d never felt one spark of maternal instinct. “I’d have to surrender the rest of my life for a baby, andI’ve got too much life to give up. For me, sex is recreational, not procreational. I had always regarded my sexual bits as pleasure zones. Then came the dawning realisation that God had put them

there for reproduction

In Anita’s view, “The all-pervasive maternal instinct also veils persistent reasons for not having a baby. None of the heavyweight rational arguments such as having no money or no partner 

True when the maternal instinct is raging in one’s would-be-lactating breast. If you want a baby, who thinks of the cash? If there’s no partner, you will be mother and father. You’ll cuddle and protect your baby from all of life’s nasties in the nursery world. “One thing is quite certain though. Women who don’t have a maternal instinct are able to be crystal clear about their reasons ng.”

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